KAOS in the KITCHEN: Deviled Eggs, Take x1

--KAOS IN THE KITCHEN--

I sat up in bed one morning and said, "I want some deviled eggs!" 

I don't think I've had one in years, you know, because I'm not really the picnic and social function type. Turns out, they're quite easy to whip up. Much easier than bread making. 

Recipe and ingredients easy, but had no relish or, hell, what was the other thing I forgot to put in? Horseradish something? I honestly don't even know what that is. Basically just used salt, pepper, yolks of 7.5 eggs (there was an incident), Miracle Whip, and mustard. I measured nothing and threw it all in a bowl. I may have added more mustard and mayo than needed, but after my 4th yummy deviled egg and wanting to throw up from the indulgence, I knew I succeeded.  I gave myself a pat on the breast and said job well done. 

I don't think I'll have another deviled egg for a few more years.  I wish this worked with french fries. 

KAOS in the KITCHEN: Bread-making, Take x1

--KAOS IN THE KITCHEN--

June 23, 2013

For the first time in my short life of 31 years, I decided I wanted to try making bread today... HAND made... IN my Dutch oven. 

An ex-boyfriend used to make fresh loaves of Russian Black bread and by the time I was done with the warm bread eating, I was sprawled out on the kitchen floor with a pot belly and butter stains on the sides of my mouth. He used a bread machine, but I don't have such an apparatus. I do, however, have hands to knead the shit out of dough. 

Couldn't quite find the directions for Russian Black in a Dutch oven, so I used half the directions from one recipe and half from another. I also couldn't find exact directions on how to properly use the yeast with these bread recipes. As you can imagine, I didn't/don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I've been told bread making comes with a learning curve. That's A-okay with me. 

After mixing up the ingredients in no particular order and kneading for 15 mins, my loaf was a brick and nothing was rising. One of my recipes says I need to leave it for 18 hours, but another says 1-2. I'm kneading for 15 mins and apparently over kneading leads to other problems, as well. And nowhere is it written that rye "sponges" (cooking term for DOUGH!) only need to be kneaded for a few minutes. 

After letting it rise for 2 hours, this is the result: 

I did some research and realized when I mixed the yeast, the water I used was too hot and it killed the yeast. This obviously affects how the bread will rise. My directions should clearly not have said "use HOT water," since hot water kills yeast. 

You SUCK, recipe writer!

I left it to rise (even though I know it wasn't going to) overnight, already casting this sponge aside as a lost cause. In the morning, before starting a new bread loaf, I cooked it up anyway. 

It was as hard as a rock, but the general taste of the bread was TRES BIEN!

Off I go to whip up another loaf, but I need to a different recipe to follow. I also need the directions on how to use a Dutch oven with baking breads. 

THE END of attempt #1 at bread baking. I'm not entirely dissatisfied!